entry 5:
5:26am, 05/28/2026
i think i finally understand what it's like to been seen by someone at my very core of my soul. it is a feeling unlike any other, with no fancy words to describe it, or things to compare it to. i'll try my best though.
do you know what it's like to have someone buy you your favorite drink unprompted, simply because they know you like it? or, to be given the blanket that you like the most out of a pile simply because they know you find it the most comfortable?
these feelings aren't necessarily uncommon in daily life, as, all things considered, most people have family members do these things for you all the time.
what isn't common however, is going through a situation where you have these little happy occurences happen, just for them to stop all of a sudden. now, of course this isn't to say that nobody experiences them, this is more to say that these experiences are typically in line with that of a break-up, a loss of a friend or a family member, or something closer to that nature.
i was recently told that a jug of milk expired in my absence. i was told this because she said she knew it wouldn't have expired if i was there, i wouldn't have let it be there long enough to expire. i love milk. it's one of the only things that relaxes my stomach acid enough for me to sleep at night, outside of medication.
i think this is what they mean when they tell you youre gonna see them everywhere. i love this person so much, more than they could ever understand or know, like only a mother ever could. i have seen her go through the worst of the worst, i've seen her blow up at her family, seen her vomit when she's sick and cry when she's sad, things you only see when you really know a person.
she really is like the jelly to my peanut butter. like dipper and mabel, like finn and jake. i miss your hugs, and i miss you shoulder checking me, because really, what WAS i gonna do?
i can't have spam and rice without zoning off anymore 
