i still haven't actually heard back from the job interview i did last week. they told me they'd be done with all the interviews and reach out around friday, which was today. i'm just hoping that in the end they reach out. i think the main reason im so antsy to get started with a job is so that i can actually afford to start doing other things and getting my life together. i have a pretty major debt i need to clear up with a family member, and i just don't like the weight of knowing it's there. i think knowing it's there makes the weight of everything in my life feel so much heavier. it makes my clothes feel weighty with moisture. my shirts are so much heavier when they're soaked with my responsibilities. i can't adjust the shirt, it'll just move the weight elsewhere, giving rise to new aches and pains throughout my tired frame.
i don't necessarily want this blog to be such a downer, because i don't feel like that would be a productive way for me personally, to keep a diary. i want to make it a habit to start writing about good things in my life and saying my thanks to the things that i care for that do matter to me, rather than complaining about things that are out of my control, for one reason or another. today i wan't to say thanks to a specific character in my life. for the sake of anonymity i will refer to him as battery. battery is i think the closest thing i have to a best friend, despite not knowing him for as long as some of my other friendships. i think he has been there for me throughout some extremely hard times in my life, as i briefly mentioned in my last entry, i tried to go no contact with my mother. god i feel like a nuisance for the amount i lagged on him during that. he wanted to help me, to cheer me up, and he was so understanding when i wasn't necessarily receptive. i think that is why i value him so much. he has this sort of understanding that i don't really feel from very many people. there are maybe 3 people i feel it from at all.
there's an interview that is super important to me, you can watch it here, where it has the following quote:
"I think there's different kinds of soulmates in life. ... We'll be mates till our souls float off."
i think that pretty easily sums up where my head is at with sir battery. i have never felt so seen by one individual before, never in my life. i say things, he's saying the same things already. my mannerisms come from him. we have inside jokes with each other that no one other than us would ever understand. he likes all the same stuff as me. if one of us likes something that the other doesn't, give it a week. it'll happen. i think what i'm trying to say is that the level of care that i have for this guy is unmatched. he is my best friend. my soulmate. did i mention he lives in australia? he's so fucking cool dude. maybe i'll draw a little picture of him or something and attach it to this post. (side note i did it here! #heartemoji) i love you battery!!!!!